Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need moral support for this bender
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
