Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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