I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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