note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
