Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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