Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
