you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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