it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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