cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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