I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Boobs speak an international language.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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