her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
