When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
