just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
