Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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