Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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