Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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