Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
