he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
