The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
