What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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