i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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