Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
