Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
