forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Randomize
