singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
