At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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