Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
