i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
