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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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