We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
