No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
