My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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