remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
