I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
