so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
