My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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