Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
