At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
