everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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