apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
