**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
They are going to name an STD after you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
