Yo dont text me then not text me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
