How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
