So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
