I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
