Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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