turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
