You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
