my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
