is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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