His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Vodka?
Forever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
