Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
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when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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