Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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