Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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