if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize