We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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