Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
