is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
