Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
