I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
