If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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