he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
