I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
