i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
