i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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