My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
