i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
