Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
high people should be assigned attendants
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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