Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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